Washington, D.C. - Just under one million Christians gathered in Washington, D.C. on June 25 to celebrate all the greatness that is Jesus. Sponsored by the National Rifle Association Christian Bible Choir, attendees of the March were treated to free rounds at the Pensecola shooting range, the glorious sounds of song, and inspirational passages from the Bible. Speakers at the March included Pat Robertson, who spoke on the necessity of Jesus.

"Jesus offers us all the inspiration we need to make sense of a sinful world," Robertson said. "We all need Jesus. Jesus can heal what ails you. Place your faith in Jesus and you shall be healed, and you will be a better person. Jesus is the key. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus heals!"

Robertson was later joined on stage by Charlton Heston, a dynamic duo of patriotism and American fundamentalism. They spoke on the greatness of God, man's freewill, and the right of all Americans to own firearms. "Man was to have dominion over the Earth," Heston declared. "That includes the right to bear firearms."

Official US Census estimates based on density sampling of high resolution photographs indicate that attendance reached as high as 1.1 million at the height of the event. "We were very pleased with the turnout," National Rifle Association Christian Bible Choir President Joseph Brown commented. "It just goes to show that the fundamentalist patriotic sentiment has not been lost from American culture. It is simply not true to say that Americans don't believe in anything or don't stand for anything. Americans love guns, and they love Jesus. That's all a man needs."