Greenwood, South Carolina - The National Rifle Association Christian Bible Choir Distinguished Lecture Series kicked off its new season with former Vice-President Dan Quayle speaking on family values, the rights of gun-owners, and the direction of our nation.

Adding a touch of savior-faire, Christian Coalition President Pat Robertson introduced Mr. Quayle. "We have here tonight, on this first meeting for the new season at the National Rifle Association Christian Bible Choir, a very admirable man. The Distinguished Lecture Series here would like to honor a man with integrity, ingenuity, and intelligence; a man of reputation and a source of inspiration to us all. A man who shows us all what America is about, a man who reminds Americans that anybody can be anything in this great nation. This man, whom I would now like to introduce you to, is none other than former Vice-President of the United States of America Dan Quayle!"

A round of uproarious applause met Mr. Quayle as he stepped onto the stage and took his place behind the podium. "Thank you all for having me," he began. "You are truly the best American people in the world, you remind me of my home. I love Greenwood, I practically grew up in Arizona. What's great about it is that it's rural America. It's where I came from. We always refer to ourselves as real America. Rural America, real America, real, real, America. It's great. It's wholesome. It's family value."

"I suppose three important things certainly come to my mind that I want to say thank you. The first would be my family. Your family, my family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three children, a larger family with grandparents and aunts and uncles. We all have our family, whichever that may be. The very beginnings of civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family. And time and time again, I'm often reminded of the importance of a family, and what a family means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family. That's why I find it especially terrifying when I see the American family and moral structure collapsing. I see crime, sex, drugs, rap music, and poverty tearing this nation apart. There are women now having children out of wedlock. Well, I think that for those concerned about children growing up in poverty, we should know this: marriage is probably the best anti-poverty program of all. People like to blame these problems on pollution; this is misleading, however. It's not pollution that's harming our environment, it's the impurities in our air and water. It's not people causing problems, it's bad people. It's not guns that kill, it's bad people."

Mr. Quayle continued to share with the audience his Vice-Presidential wisdom and stressed the importance of family values, political awareness, and the necessary role guns play in a free society.